


Reasons

by enterprisecat



Series: Grief [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, I don't know what to do with my feelings, Irondad is real, Not A Fix-It, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel Is Messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 16:13:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18594829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enterprisecat/pseuds/enterprisecat
Summary: SPOILERS ALERT!!Peter is dealing. Or maybe not.





	Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my. I've seen Endgame and this movie is literally eating away my brain, I cannot focus on anything else.  
> I can imagine that the amount of fix-it fics will reach crazy numbers, and since I have an ongoing WIP I might contribute to that. For now, though, I just need to deal with emotions.

_Tony Stark_

Peter traces the letters with his fingers, the stone feeling cold and he shivers.

It’s been three days from the funeral, three days since they all gathered together to pay respect to the man that changed all their lives and Peter feels lost.

Pepper has showed him the last recording Tony made.

“You should hear it,” she said quietly as she pressed play and Peter knows it should be cathartic. Instead it just crashed his heart into million pieces all over again and he run away as soon as ended, feeling like a jerk, and… God, he needs to apologize, he scared Morgan and Pepper tried to stop him, but he ran, away from this wooden house and the recording.

Right to the cemetery.

He didn’t realize where he’s going, not until he reached the gate and stopped dead in the track.

Seeing Mr. Stark’s name carved in the stone made him gasp and he simply let himself slide down and sit on the grass.

His cellphone’s ring startles him.

“Peter?” Pepper sounds anxious. “Where are you? May came to ride you home, I thought you went back home?”

“I, ah…” Peter swallows. “I’m, well, not at home. I’m…”

The words don’t want to come out. Saying it out aloud won’t make it any more real but still Peter cannot shake the feeling that if they pretend long enough, they can change the outcome. That their belief might result in Tony coming back and giving them a smile, the real one, reserved only for those important to him.

“On the cemetery,” Pepper ends for him. The sadness in her voice is almost unbearable and Peter feels a pang of guilt. “Don’t move from there, okay?”

“Yeah, yes,” Peter nods his head. “And Ms. Potts? I mean, Mrs. Stark? I’m sorry I just run away, I… Thank you for sharing the recording with me.”

“You are a part of the family, Peter. May will come for you as soon as possible.”

The call ends and Peter embraces his knees with his arms and rests his head upon them. He wants to scream and throw things, to destroy the black tombstone in front of him, to make time go back, to force Stephen Strange….

Oh.

Once May comes, his tears have already dried up, and he feels the calmest since he saw Tony’s burn flesh and heard FRIDAY’s report.

“You cannot run away like this,” May rushes to him and pulls him in a hug. She does it a lot now, but Peter doesn’t mind, her touch grounding him, reminding him that there are still things in the world that are worth being protected, are worth living.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into her ear. “Mrs. Stark showed me something, the recording and I freaked out, but I’m better now.”

May steps back, still holding him by arms and takes a long look at him.

“You cannot rush it, you know that,” she says quietly. “Each time you lose someone… It’s different. Sometimes you need let himself to just feel and never be ashamed of how deep those emotions run or for how long you’re feeling them.”

“I know,” Peter ensures her. He needs to get hold on Stephen Strange as soon as possible. Preferably right now.

“May…” he hesitates. He hates laying to her, especially now but she won’t let him wander around the city. “I would like to stay here for a little longer, is it okay?”

May sighs. “Don’t make it your habit,” she warns seriously.

“No, no,” Peter shakes his head fervently. “I promise not to.”

“Fine,” May sighs and takes a couple of steps, moving closer to the tombstone. She reaches out but lets it fall before she can touch it.

There are tears in her eyes when she turns back and goes to the car.

 

***

“Mr. Strange, Mr. Strange!” Peter isn’t sure if breaking in to a wizard dominium is a wise thing to do but he hopes that any potential traps will recognize him as non-threating.

“Mr. Strange!”

A moment later Peter feels his body tensing in apprehension and turns to Stephen Strange in a shirt and loose pants, who observes him with a sad resignation.

“I knew you’d come,” he says without preamble and gestures at him to follow.

“I owe you my life,” Strange acknowledges when they sit down on an old sofa that looks like it belongs in a museum. “I haven’t had the chance to thank you for that.”

“I…” Peter shakes his head. “It’s now why I’m here, I mean isn’t that what we are supposed to do?”

“In a way,” Strange makes one of those crazy things with his hand and a mug filled with tea appears next to Peter’s elbow.

“As I said, I knew you’d come,” Strange continues. “And I won’t mince my words.”

He puts away his own mug and leans toward Peter.

“Tony cannot be brought back. Not with the Time Stone. Not with any other magic or science.”

“But,” Peter protests. Breathing gets way too hard of all sudden. “But Time Stone still works, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Strange confirms. “Peter… I’ve seen it happening, back on Titan. That was our only option, the only outcome that didn’t end with either half of the universe or the whole universe wiped out from existence.”

“But that was already done before Mr. Stark, before Tony…” he chokes, unable to finish.

“It’s true,” Strange acknowledges. “Yet, without Tony’s sacrifice it wouldn’t make any difference. He would snap his fingers again and this time he wouldn’t stop on destroying half of the life. Everyone would perish so Thanos could play a god and a creator.”

Peter understands where all of this is going, but large part of him won’t allow, won’t simply give up to Strange’s logic.

“But…” his protest is weak, quiet.

“Peter, as far as I know, Tony regarded you as an intelligent young person. Prove it and _understand_.”

Yet again it feels like his heart is breaking into million pieces.

“If we go back and stop Mr. Stark there won’t be any future to go back to,” it causes him physical pain to say it. “He’s a fixed point in time, isn’t he?”

“Finally,” Strange leans back on the sofa. “There are no alternatives. No other ways. I am sorry, Peter. I truly am.”

Peter nods his head, numb.

World without Tony Stark in it doesn’t sound like something he’d want to be a part of.

His phone vibrates with an incoming message. He absent-mindedly checks it, out of habit.

 

**From MJ: Free tomorrow? Parents are letting me go!**

 

World without Tony Stark sounds like a nightmare, but maybe, just maybe, there are still reasons to keep going.

 

 

 

 


End file.
